Fear of dating hiv cayman dating

19 Jan

The fear of contracting HIV has run my life for what feels like forever, and I’m not willing to let it control me any longer.I’d put them in there so I was positive I hadn’t missed a day.I then bought portable pill containers that I stuck to my keychain, so I’d have a Truvada on me at all times. They were baffled by how insistent I was, especially since I was neg, on Pr EP, and adhered to my medication daily.I was living in New York City with a boyfriend I'll call Matt when I was diagnosed with HIV. It was my first steady, long-term relationship, and we did what I used to think of as "grown-up" things.Like having Sunday football parties or fighting in Home Depot about what color to paint an accent wall in our living room.

I don’t think there’s a pediatrician in the history of mankind who’s had to deal with such an obsessive (barely sexually active) 17-year-old.Upon asking for my fourth HIV test, my pediatrician told me that since I was having [condomless] vaginal sex with literally one woman, the odds of my contracting HIV were slim.While we need to be careful, we also need to live our lives without fear.We face so much nonsense and persecution as gay and bi men, let’s not add HIV to the list. Because at the end of the day, it is true: HIV is no longer a death sentence. He told me his partner was coming over, and I told him that was fine. I didn’t have condoms on me, since we were on the roof, so I decided screw it, I’m going to have sex bareback. I spoke with an infectious disease specialist at Mass General Hospital. And while I knew, statistically, the odds of me acquiring HIV were almost null, I still couldn't shake the idea that I was positive. I’d also rejected men who were positive, even if they claimed they were undetectable. (After consulting with other doctors, I realize it was unlikely Truvada was causing my thrush, but I listened to my doctor). The next four men I met out at clubs were positive.I did and it was amazing, until I learned after the fact he had actually been poz. I got tested both exactly 10 days and 14 days after exposure. And while I knew that HIV is manageable, and you can live a healthy, normal life with HIV, I told myself that was only what doctors told men with HIV to make them feel better. Because we met in real life, I didn’t ask about their statuses until we were in bed together.After having ED problems on and off for years, it seems to be going away for good. We should engage in safe-sex practices to decrease our chances of spreading and acquiring HIV. I couldn’t tell you the number of nights I’d lie awake in bed, convinced I had acquired HIV.I also seem to have gotten over my fear of acquiring HIV, bizarrely enough, through exposure therapy. I couldn't tell you how many times I regretted having sex or lost my hard-on because of thoughts of HIV.